You're coming to the end of your schools years...
You're juggling college or university with a job you don't like...
You're mid-way through an apprenticeship...
You're almost 22 and you aren't happy at work...
What am I doing with my life?
We've all been there. At the time, we think we might be the only ones who aren't sure what the heck we're doing with our lives, right?
Everybody else seems to be coping and getting on with their work life yet you're just sat there wondering if you're wasting time, wishing the week away so you can finally turn that alarm off on the weekend, wishing you didn't work weekends, hoping you were somewhere else. Anywhere else.
It's the 'I don't know what I'm doing, what I want to be doing, or how everybody else knows what they’re doing’ phase - and trust me, we all hit this stage at some point. I've been stuck in this phase for over a year now. At just 16 I left school straight away and already knew I really didn't want to go to sixth form (A-Levels).
So instead I found an apprenticeship at City College Plymouth which seemed like the perfect opportunity - I would be earning money, gaining work experience and obtaining a qualification at the end! Win, win?!
To be truthful, this apprenticeship was a brilliant opportunity and I'm so glad I took it. My confidence grew so much; I grew as a person, my vocabulary, punctuality, education and overall attitude and behaviour changed. I started to grow up!
I was working in the Finance team, a busy department with a fantastic bunch of colleagues who we're so supportive - something which I now understand is hard to find in most work environments. Cherish nice colleagues!!
Everything was great. I was on top of my coursework; I was able to have an incredible year – jetting off to Greece with my best friends, attending my aunt’s wedding as Chief Bridesmaid, booking a solo adventure trip to Australia! The work/social life balance was great!
But things do sadly come to an end. My apprenticeship was complete and I found myself wanting more out of life – I needed a change-up, a new challenge to get stuck into. I left this role inspired and motivated and decided to try out Au-pairing.
Au pair: A domestic assistant from a foreign country (not always) working for, and living as part of, a host family. Typically, au pairs take on a share of the family's responsibility for childcare as well as some housework, and receive a monetary allowance for personal use.
However, I quickly found out this wasn't for me. I absolutely love children, and to this day I still sometimes think about the children I worked with, but being so young (only 17!) and moving away from home to work with three young kids was a huge leap - it would be a wonderful experience for a lot of people, especially au-pairing abroad, and I'd still recommend this to anyone who likes childcare!
I totally learned from this and if anything, I had figured out this industry perhaps was not for me - or at least not right now!
Once I returned home, I had a couple of weeks of job searching and watching movies from AM to PM – I was unemployed and hating life.
Anyone who knows me will know I had a rough time of doing nothing for weeks - it's just completely not me. I had no money, January is the most depressing month anyway, and I get miserable and bored and it's just not good.
But I did have some luck! And within a month I was starting a new role in a Call Centre in a busy city company. I jumped in head first – with new grown confidence and having become slightly wiser from past experiences. I thought I was ready for a new challenge...
Oh no. After a few months of really trying to enjoy myself, I just couldn't! I was so disappointed with myself.
I hoped I’d found something I enjoyed, I thought I’d found a job I could develop myself in and push further and truthfully I didn't want to be searching again for a new job - I knew what job jumping would look like on a young person’s CV - not exactly desirable!
But I also knew that staying in a job which I found stressful and frustrating would make me poorly, and it did. I started to suffer with stomach pains and headaches and generally became ill due to stress. Not pretty.
So, guess what? I upped and moved again. I got a job in bartending. Wahooooo, exciting and fun, flexible hours, fast paced and busy, customer service focused - sounds great?!
And to be fair I really did enjoy bartending. The hours we're unsociable, but I was saving pennies by not going out as much on the weekends, instead still enjoying myself by being amongst the party but on the other side of the bar!
It was fun and exciting! Even if the team I worked with was kinda bitchy (if you work with a team all under the age of 30, you've got to expect it a little bit!) but fun people, who all enjoyed a Sunday night party or fry-up after work.
I worked as a bartender during the summer – around 6 months - before I left. I left because the money was poor and I couldn't get enough hours to make up for it. That's the trouble with zero-hour contracts; you’re just not guaranteed the wage you need or want.
By now I’d taken my month’s getaway to beautiful Australia and realised just how crazy about travelling I really was. Suddenly I realised this was important to me, the ability to travel and explore. Not only is it a way of escaping but also learning about myself and different cultures. I knew I had to find somewhere which would offer me better pay.
Even if I didn't enjoy myself at work, at least I could afford to book a holiday, right?
Luckily, I got accepted into another apprenticeship at Plymouth City Council, an organisation with a lot of work to do, more £ on offer and a higher level qualification!
The first team I started with had a great vibe, lovely people, they really enjoyed working together and the nights out for Christmas or birthdays were great.
(I know it's not all about that, but if you enjoy working with your colleagues, it really does make a huge impact into the working role!)
But unfortunately, the team just didn't need an apprentice. I wasn't getting enough work to keep me going through a day, let alone a week, which dragggggged the weeks. I couldn't finish or provide evidence for a lot of my coursework, which is of course a huge problem, and no matter how much I moaned and groaned, the work was just not there.
So I transferred to a different department in the council and changed my apprenticeship programme from Business Admin to Marketing. I thought: ‘Finally, something I might enjoy! Fast paced, event assistance, campaign assistance, digital aspects?! Sounds perfect’
I've now been working at Plymouth City Council for 1 year and (almost) 3 months and honestly, I've not learned much. The apprenticeship scheme here is great, but it's just not enough for me.
I'm a busy-bee person, I like to be moving, always working on something, having the 'I'm up to my eyeballs in work and I'm drowning in it!' feeling to motivate me to complete work. I like to be against the clock - it's the best way for me to work and achieve my best.
The positions I took within the council just haven't worked out to be that.
In April the department was hit by a restructure which took a huge impact on my apprenticeship, on top of my already-there concerns. It’s completely normal for everyone to start panicking and trying to grab all the work they can. As humans, it’s instinct! We have to protect ourselves, which meant not a lot of work has been spared over the last couple of months.
I totally understand it and as my first experience of being in the mix-up of a restructure it has taken its toll on the whole team. It's just an utterly shit thing that nobody can help.
For me, the restructure put everything into perspective. I've been chasing the money to pay for my happiness and to take my mind off being miserable about work. I’ve been avoiding thinking about what I actually WANT to be doing and what's important.
If I’ve learnt something new recently it’s that timings are important and gut feeling is important. I always thought 'ah well, I can just book a holiday and escape' but the same feeling will still be there when I get back. Quick fixes aren't the answer, at all.
So, back to present day and right now...
I've quit. I've quit my job. Although I feel disappointed in myself for not completing my apprenticeships and for leaving a trail of jobs, I honestly feel so relieved.
It’s time to take on a new adventure and head towards a career path in which I can put my all into, in which I've learnt best fits my working abilities and environments, and I feel so good to finally be going back to college to start all over again!
A fresh slate.
I'm going to be studying at college for the next year with hopes of getting into university in September 2017 to become a Paramedic.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is that we're all in the same boat - in one way or another, at one time or another.
Being so confused, unsure, stressed - it all made me ill. Literally, I've never been ill so many times in a year?! My stomach flares up, I get bad skin, I've actually gripped my teeth on the insides of my mouth that I've made dents and drawn blood (gross, I know).
Not all of us know what we want to do, and that's totally fine! It's NORMAL! You don't just wake up one day and think 'I know, I'll be a mechanic!' (I'm ever so envious of those who do!!).
But you've got to learn and take chances, gain experience and get a little wiser. Why not get to know yourself, find out what you like and dislike, what works well and what doesn't work so well. Find out what inspires and motivates you, what makes you happy... J
You've got to put yourself first.
As absolutely 100% cringe as it sounds, it's your life and you've got to take control of it. Take the course, go travelling, do some volunteering, help the little old lady cross the road, dye your hair bright green (or maybe not...) face your fears – do a SKYDIVE! Push yourself!
Sorry this post is so long - but it's important!
I'll leave you with a quote which once gave me a much-needed kick up the ass (-:
"If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?" - Steve Jobs
Lauren x
No comments:
Post a Comment